Tearful Tuesday...................

☕ ~Good Morning all.................
I've been struggling so much lately.   I mean... I'm fine... I guess.   But I have had so many emotions running free more than usual lately.
I have been missing Ken so much! 
I've been doing a lot of reading lately trying to understand what my problem is.  I think what I've come to figure out is... I don't have a problem.... I'm grieving!  And although there are so many that think I should be 'over it'  I'll never be over missing Ken!
Grief is the natural and normal response to loss. Grief is often thought of as emotions—loneliness or sadness. In fact, grief is far more complex. Grief affects you at every level—physically, emotionally, cognitively, socially and spiritually. It influences the ways you think as well as the ways you behave.
Grief can make you feel unwell. You may experience a range of aches and pains—headaches, backaches, muscular pain, digestive difficulties or exhaustion. While physical reactions to loss are common, it is essential that you monitor your health carefully in the period following the death of your spouse.
You may experience feelings as you cope with the loss of your spouse. Some are clearly expected. It is easy to understand the loneliness, the yearning, and the sadness.
Anger
Other feelings may be surprising. You may be unprepared for the anger you may feel—shocked that your temper seems to run so short. Anger is a natural response to loss, a feeling that arises from having someone once so important disappear from your life.
While anger is a normal reaction as you grieve, it can be problematic if it turns into blaming or driving others away and thus deprives you of support—separating you from those you most need in your journey through grief.
Guilt
Sometimes the anger can be directed inward—at yourself. Guilt too is a common response to grief.  You cannot control these feelings. Guilt does not have to have a rational basis to be experienced as real, but sometimes it does help to move outside of yourself – to ask yourself if others would see you as guilty.
Jealousy, anxiety and fear
You may feel jealous of others who still have their spouse. Jealousy may not only surprise but also disturb. At other times, you may be gripped by a great anxiety and fear—wondering how you will survive alone.


You may find it difficult to focus or concentrate. You may seem forgetful—going downstairs, for example, only to forget your reason for going there when you arrive. You may constantly think about your loss—rehashing painful details in your mind.
Nor is it unusual to have experiences that evoke your spouse. Dreams, for example, are not uncommon. You even may hear a voice or sound that reminds you of your spouse.
Some may find great strength in beliefs. They sustain you as you struggle with your loss and grief. You may find your spirituality deepen—attending worship, praying or reading scripture—even more frequently than you did in the past.
Others may find their spirituality threatened. You may struggle with anger at God and have doubts about your prior beliefs. You may be confused over why the person suffered so and why you also seem to be suffering so greatly. You may find it difficult to connect with your previous beliefs and find little comfort at this time in your faith.
These are all ways that you may journey with grief. It is important to remember that there is no single, right way to experience grief. Your experience of grief is what it is. It comes from who you are.So many times as you grieve, you will hear people, often well-meaning folks, tell you of how you are supposed to be feeling or how you should be reacting. Yet there is no one, single way to grieve, no set of predictable responses or preset stages. Your pathway through grief will be as distinct and unique as you are.
The experience of grief may often be described as a roller coaster—full of ups and downs, highs and lows. On some days you may feel that you are doing well—only to plunge into a deepened sense of grief. Some of these low periods are predictable—you may expect holidays, birthdays and anniversaries to be difficult. Others may hit you by surprise.
Remember that building a relationship with your spouse took years. It may have begun as a friendly encounter, developed into a romantic courtship and then continued to change and to develop in the years of marriage. Grieving over the loss of that relationship takes time as well.
I'm not over you Ken!!!!  I miss you!!!  💔
All my Love..............
Tammy 💜