Verse of the day...

~ Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ~



Wednesday, July 17, 2019

The Condolences end.............

……. but being a widow doesn't

Year One of widowhood, the year when the grief is obvious and raw and ugly, gets all the support and attention. But Year Two & Three is just as hard, and in some ways, it is lonelier.
In the first few months of the first year, people check in constantly. They call, text, bring food, plan girls’ weekends and excuse — even support — the shuffling around in pajamas crying each day as we wait for the black, hollow feeling to lift.
From that point.... they get back to their lives and leave you to tend to yourself... alone.
The Year Two/Three widow, however, is comparatively abandoned to the continued reality of a new and unfamiliar life. We are among the “walking wounded,” those largely without outward signs of trauma (weight regained, estate settled, tears more easily stifled) but who are still under equal, if different, strain.
We're given this  idea that passing the one-year mark means the hard part is over, like crossing the finish line of a particularly grueling marathon, or getting to the front of the line at Target on a Saturday. But it is not over.
The one-year anniversary of a spouse’s death is not a benchmark for being healed. It’s merely the day after day 364, followed by 366, 367 and so on. For widows, anticipating relief upon the one-year mark is to be lulled, then hoodwinked, by a false target that implies to others, and even us, that we must be out of the woods, and thus less in need of continued support.
Year One is a struggle merely to eat, merely to get dressed in the morning, merely to think straight while confronting a crushing list of knife-twisting administrative to-dos, like car title transfers and insurance claims and endless calls to robotic customer service reps to tell them to cancel your husband’s account/subscription/delivery because he is dead.
By Year Two....Three -  those things are largely resolved. No small feat, yet it is all replaced by an equally daunting, though less obvious, list of onward years to-dos, like learning to live with a new, solo identity after years of partnership. Like knowing that other people must think you should be functioning and working at a back-to-normal level again, and being ashamed and frustrated that you are just not. Like facing the immutable truth that he is still — still! — gone, always will be, and there is nothing you can do about it.
In other words, if Year One of widowhood is a struggle for survival, The next years to come are equally difficult.... struggling to begin living life again. It is hard. Our spouses just keep being dead.
Some days I do not care about anything. Some days, I am tired — tired of fighting my way forward, tired of feeling untethered, tired of not knowing how to configure the printer, tired of figuring out all the finances, tired of needing the television on, tired of taking the trash out myself, tired of still having to cancel his mail, tired of everyone else having a spouse, tired of missing Ken. Just tired.
Bedtime alone is still hard. When I awaken in the middle of the night in a lonely panic, I listen to audio-bible or watch Netflix  until my mind drifts to the story and away from my endless loop of “what will I do with the rest of my life … why can’t you be stronger.
It is a common refrain among widows that support tends to fall way off after a year. I wish more friends and family would reach out like they did early on. One friend used to send texts containing nothing more than emoji hearts, but it was enough. Some sent me articles or books they thought might help; others called to take me to lunch or dinner. Eating across from an empty chair — and knowing the reason for the empty chair — is difficult. Always initiating plans is tiring.
I want someone to really ask how I am doing, and say Ken's name or talk about him freely. It keeps him alive. I know people are trying not to upset me by bringing him up, but I promise, he is already on my mind.
I do not blame my friends for their increased absence. Supporting a grieving friend long term requires time and stamina.  There’s an emotional limit, as friends and family look to return to the safety of equilibrium. There’s an intellectual limit..... How could others understand the breadth of such a loss unless they have gone through it? Spousal grief is like Vegas: One must experience it personally to really understand how huge and overwhelming it is.
The widow’s journey is a complicated and lengthy one.
As I settle in each night with a cup of coffee... one of our favorite Netflix shows and my crochet.... I look across the room at one of his pictures and tell him,  “I am trying my very best, my love! " 

ich liebe dich Ken!
•¨¯`•  T •¨¯`•

Friday, July 12, 2019

Freebie Friday................


  
~ Good Morning..... 
How is everyone today?   I'm doing good!
I wanted to just pop on here and share something fun I found while serving the internet! :)

Homemade Coffee Sugar Body Scrub


You can find the Homemade Coffee Sugar Body Scrub … HERE!

hugs...love & blessings
Tammy 💕

Thursday, July 11, 2019

~Thankful Thursday.......

🌟
      ☕ ~ Today I am thankful for.......
) my Lord God!
) coffee
) flowers, trees, plant .... Nature
) my sweet son Michael taking my truck to the mechanic yesterday for me while I was at work to get its normal monthly TLC
) having fun with my daughter last night while getting some work done
) church service tonight
) coffee
) my youngest being able pamper his Jeep to the mechanic ....whew
) fruit and yogurt for lunch
) my iPad
) my children
) memories
) coffee
) pictures
) forgiveness
) a second chance.... and third... forth.... Etc with God

Hugs ... Love & Blessings to you all
Tammy💕

Monday, July 8, 2019

.:: Happy Birthday to me ::.


  
~ Good Evening......
Whew.... what a day!  Started out with coffee and conversation with my mom before work.  Then a peaceful drive into work.  Some 'Happy Birthday' wishes from co-workers.... Then the flowers ... texts and...... yes.... a Starbucks coffee date with my youngest.
~ love you Jamie and Jared ~

~ love you David!!! ~

~ love you Christopher and Patricia ~

~ love you Michael!!!~

What a wonderful day it has been!!!  Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes and love!

 blessings to you all
Tammy 💕
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
💔

I have to say.....
I sure do wish I could have danced with my love again !!!
~ I miss you Ken ~



Thursday, July 4, 2019

Monday, July 1, 2019

.:: Happy Birthday ::.


Happy Birthday to this Beautiful girl!
I am so proud of her!!
Have an awesome day sweetheart!
Daughter-in-law ~ Marine ~ Birthday girl

Hugs... Love & Blessings....
mom💕


Sunday, June 30, 2019

Friday, June 28, 2019

Freebie Friday................

God & Love

Love requires action. It's not something we try to get for ourselves, but instead is an action we express to others through sharing and serving.
I was thinking about a few different forms of love God has instructed us to demonstrate, or "live out." And each one needs to be balanced, so they can work together.

#1 Loving God

Deuteronomy 6:5 says, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and with all your soul and with all your strength. Jesus later repeats this and even labels it the most important commandment of all.
So, how do you express love for God? By telling God, "I love You"? Singing praises to Him? These are good things, but they only scratch the surface.
We show God we love Him through obedience because actions definitely speak louder than words. It’s tough, and we won’t always feel like we want to obey. But I believe our desire for obedience grows as we continue to experience His love, goodness and faithfulness in our lives.
#2 Loving Yourself
In the New Testament, Jesus said the greatest commandment of all is to love God with all our heart. But He also added the second greatest commandment: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (See Mark 12:31.)
There's something important here that I think people often miss: You cannot give away something you don't have in you. How can someone love another person if they don't love themselves?
We all need to accept ourselves—our personalities and imperfections—knowing that although we are not where we need to be, we are making progress. God wants us to love ourselves and our identity in Him!

#3 Loving Others

God's love is a gift to us; it's in us, but we need to release it to others through words and actions. Left dormant, it will stagnate like a pool of water with no outlet.
1 John 3:14 says, We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death.
Life, in this verse, is the life of God or "life as God has it." And loving others is the only way to keep that God-kind of life flowing through you. I don't want to be one of what I call "the walking dead"─someone who lives and breathes but never truly lives as God desires.
The act of loving others is one of the most exhilarating things I have experienced. I feel excitement stirring in my spirit when I do something to make someone else feel loved and cared for. And You can experience the same exhilaration just by "loving out loud." 


hugs .. love & blessings
•¨¯`•  Tammy •¨¯`•