My journey..... day 4

 ☀️☃☕️ ~ Good morning......

Its snowing out this morning and suppose to snow all day.  Looks cold out there through my hospital window.  Brrr.    Its not really very warm here in my room either though.   Why is it that hospital rooms are so cold?   hmmmm?     

Doctors have been in and shared some good / bad news with me.   So... they know what's wrong with me... Good news.   Looks like my Liver is pretty sick... Bad news!   I will have to have more tests done to determine just how sick.... but they are tossing around the possibility of needing a transplant.  Not sure how I feel about this news today... kind of alot to take in when you're in the hospital alone.  But with all things big and small.... trusting God with this is what I will do!!!

Looks like they are going to let me go home today.  I'm so glad... I really need to be around my family!  

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The enemy uses our past to cause confusion and disorder in our lives.  He is the record keeper of  the past. He torments us with feelings of shame... guilt... condemnation and a host of other seriously awful feelings.  He loves to remind us of things we have done to keep us from feeling deserving of God's love and grace.  Even things we may have had no control over ... he will use to make us feel at fault.  He's good at making us feel like we deserve all the bad things that happen to us.  I'm struggling with that right now.  I have to fight him off to keep from believing that its my own fault I'm sick and I deserve to suffer.

Thus... he has succeeded at keeping me away from God several times!  Of course that's the trigger for the enemy.  The closer we get to God the more the enemy will whisper lies to you.
Until we remove that power from the past ... the enemy can always use it to drive a wedge between us and God!

Now.. how about the actual past... that luggage we carry for years... the mistakes, scars, hurt, and betrayals.  We take it from relationship to relationship... or keep it buried somewhere deep down inside.  It's the  'chains' we often hear about.
As for my past / my chains... I was the person who felt I was the exception to grace.  I could not be forgiven.  The more I tried to to get it together.. the worse it got.

When we look at the Bible... we see God giving us story after story of hot messes.. people who were murderers, adulterers, liars, thieves, cheaters, people that were full of mess and sin... and God not only forgave them but then used them for amazing purposes.

Don't you think there is a reason that many of those stories are shared throughout Scripture?  Don't you think there is a reason that He tells us what those sins were?

He didn't' just say Paul did some things that we won't talk about.... no... Paul murdered Christians.

Scripture doesn't state... Peter said some things that were hurtful... no... Peter denied Jesus Christ three times.

God tells us the depths of these sins so we can see that there is nothing too great that the blood of Jesus cannot wash clean!  You cannot surprise someone who knows your story beginning to end.. and carrying it with you is like saying  that what Jesus did on the cross wasn't good enough.  So... time to check that baggage ASAP!

For some.. our mess.. later becomes a message God wants us to use for someone else walking thrugh a similar situation.  But if we are too paralyzed with guilt and too ashamed to talk about it... the enemy has the power over us and we could  be missing out on opportunities to share our testimony.

The wiser I become (older I get) the more I have learn to appreciate that the greatest things in life are the ones that take work, risk, sacrifice, and are sometimes scary.  But in the end.. offer the greatest reward.

The more I glorify God for His grace and mercy in my weakness.. the less useful it becomes to the enemy.  Satan cannot torment me with ta past I use asa testimony to glorify our King!

Being vulnerable is scary.  Our sins may be different... but every Christian has a past.  If Jesus Himself were to say today as He did back then... "let he without sin cast the first stone" ... not a single soul could even pick up a shadow of a pebble. It's the beautiful part of grace and the connection we must all acknowledge in our walk together.

If there are pieces of your past that you cannot let go... maybe it is becasue God is pushing you to turn your  mess into your message.

God Blessings to you all!

Tammy 💕