for KING & COUNTRY - TOGETHER (feat. Kirk Franklin & Tori Kelly)

God Bless

💗

My journey..... day 4

 ☀️☃☕️ ~ Good morning......

Its snowing out this morning and suppose to snow all day.  Looks cold out there through my hospital window.  Brrr.    Its not really very warm here in my room either though.   Why is it that hospital rooms are so cold?   hmmmm?     

Doctors have been in and shared some good / bad news with me.   So... they know what's wrong with me... Good news.   Looks like my Liver is pretty sick... Bad news!   I will have to have more tests done to determine just how sick.... but they are tossing around the possibility of needing a transplant.  Not sure how I feel about this news today... kind of alot to take in when you're in the hospital alone.  But with all things big and small.... trusting God with this is what I will do!!!

Looks like they are going to let me go home today.  I'm so glad... I really need to be around my family!  

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The enemy uses our past to cause confusion and disorder in our lives.  He is the record keeper of  the past. He torments us with feelings of shame... guilt... condemnation and a host of other seriously awful feelings.  He loves to remind us of things we have done to keep us from feeling deserving of God's love and grace.  Even things we may have had no control over ... he will use to make us feel at fault.  He's good at making us feel like we deserve all the bad things that happen to us.  I'm struggling with that right now.  I have to fight him off to keep from believing that its my own fault I'm sick and I deserve to suffer.

Thus... he has succeeded at keeping me away from God several times!  Of course that's the trigger for the enemy.  The closer we get to God the more the enemy will whisper lies to you.
Until we remove that power from the past ... the enemy can always use it to drive a wedge between us and God!

Now.. how about the actual past... that luggage we carry for years... the mistakes, scars, hurt, and betrayals.  We take it from relationship to relationship... or keep it buried somewhere deep down inside.  It's the  'chains' we often hear about.
As for my past / my chains... I was the person who felt I was the exception to grace.  I could not be forgiven.  The more I tried to to get it together.. the worse it got.

When we look at the Bible... we see God giving us story after story of hot messes.. people who were murderers, adulterers, liars, thieves, cheaters, people that were full of mess and sin... and God not only forgave them but then used them for amazing purposes.

Don't you think there is a reason that many of those stories are shared throughout Scripture?  Don't you think there is a reason that He tells us what those sins were?

He didn't' just say Paul did some things that we won't talk about.... no... Paul murdered Christians.

Scripture doesn't state... Peter said some things that were hurtful... no... Peter denied Jesus Christ three times.

God tells us the depths of these sins so we can see that there is nothing too great that the blood of Jesus cannot wash clean!  You cannot surprise someone who knows your story beginning to end.. and carrying it with you is like saying  that what Jesus did on the cross wasn't good enough.  So... time to check that baggage ASAP!

For some.. our mess.. later becomes a message God wants us to use for someone else walking thrugh a similar situation.  But if we are too paralyzed with guilt and too ashamed to talk about it... the enemy has the power over us and we could  be missing out on opportunities to share our testimony.

The wiser I become (older I get) the more I have learn to appreciate that the greatest things in life are the ones that take work, risk, sacrifice, and are sometimes scary.  But in the end.. offer the greatest reward.

The more I glorify God for His grace and mercy in my weakness.. the less useful it becomes to the enemy.  Satan cannot torment me with ta past I use asa testimony to glorify our King!

Being vulnerable is scary.  Our sins may be different... but every Christian has a past.  If Jesus Himself were to say today as He did back then... "let he without sin cast the first stone" ... not a single soul could even pick up a shadow of a pebble. It's the beautiful part of grace and the connection we must all acknowledge in our walk together.

If there are pieces of your past that you cannot let go... maybe it is becasue God is pushing you to turn your  mess into your message.

God Blessings to you all!

Tammy 💕

My Journey..... day 3

☕️🌨 Good morning everyone .....

Didn’t sleep much.... but that’s okay... nothing really new for me!

Had breakfast... took a shower and took my meds... I’m ready for the day of more tests.

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"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance..." (James 1:2)

Consider it joy... easier said than done sometimes.  You see... its simple to praise God through the celebrations of life, but praising Him through the storm is where your measure of faith is strengthened.

We are literally told we are going to go through it!  And in those times we need to be honest... with ourselves.. God and those we call on for prayer about where we are in our trials!  We are all a work in progress and that is where the transparency in our walk... asking for prayer and talking to God comes into play.  The key is practicing our faith and being transparent on our journey, so when we struggle... our faith support can stand in the gap,

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trials because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those that love Him." (James 1:12)

Oh... right... crown of life... eternity... with God... definitely want that!  Trials.. worth it!

People use to ask me when Ken was sick... when are you going to have your breakdown?  I'm now getting that question from the few I've shared my trial with personally.   In fact... this question was and has been asked so often... I honestly wonder... maybe I am in denial and don't know it... I mean that is what denial is.  But I'm not in denial, I'm standing in faith!

This issue with my liver could make life much harder ... yes,  but I serve a God that tells me regardless of what life throws at me ... He has me!

I have learned that faith is like a muscle... the more you use it... the stronger it becomes!  I still have to check myself about things from time to time...
Have I prayed about it as much as I've talked ab out it?
Have I looked in the Word before asking the world?

Faith in God will order your steps to ensure you are provided the tools to be prepared.

God definitely ordered my steps to prepare me for this marathon before I even knew it was coming .. in the messages preached at church!

I know I  will need a plan to ensure I will stay positive and keep myself in faith throughout this illness of whatever it is.  I am going to start writing again.  Every time I'm feeling down... overwhelmed... or my thoughts become negative I will write something regarding my walk with Christ.

He turns messes into messages every single day!  And this is just the beginning of this testimony.  We aren't promise a life absent of struggle.  We are promised a life with God!  Stand in your faith and watch Him deliver, every... single... time!

God Bless you all...

Tammy 💗

My Journey....day 2

 Evening everyone......

How are all of you doing!  Hope your day was awesome!

I slept okay last night.  

I had a day full of tests today! So far what the doctors are seeing are issues with my liver.  So... more tests tomorrow.  They started me on some meds today.... diuretics and antibiotics.   I’m feeling better today... but definitely not myself !  I’m so tired ... my body is just exhausted!  

But .... with all things... I trust the Lord!  I know no matter what He will be with me every step of the way!  My God is amazing and will never leave me!  

Well everyone.... I’m going to shut off the lights and try to rest.

I’ll update you more tomorrow!

Sleep well 

God bless

Tammy 💕

My journey......

 Good evening  everyone.....

I hope everything is well with you all! 

Today has been a long and emotional day!  My mom took me to the hospital this morning as I haven’t been feeling well!  I have put on weight but haven’t been eating much... it’s been getting difficult to breathe and I have been just overall not feeling right.  

After a day of IVs ...meds and tests... they determined that the weight gain was edema ( water weight ).  So... they conducted a procedure to drain the fluid off me.  They took 11 lbs off.  I already feel better but there is still much to do to get me well again!

The doctors and nurses have been so wonderful!  I actually felt good enough to eat.  I had a nice dinner and was able to relax for once in a long time!  

So with that my dear friends and family.... I’m going to actually try and catch a little sleep.

I’ll continue to check in and post as I travel this journey God has allowed me to take on!

God Bless you all 

Tammy ❤