Well....... the doctors have officially labeled Michael in relapse. He's been put back on prednizone with the expectations of remission.
I prayed hard for this not to be the answer... that God would heal my baby completely. And I know I had so many of you... my wonderful cyber friends... and family praying right along with me... but I could never shake the feeling I was alone. In the end.. God said, "not today Tammy" So... we move forward with the instructions from the doctors and continue to pray for Michael... that the prednizone does its job and he will be back in remission. I have to be honest and tell you all... I'm quite sad at this decision. I haven't lost my love and trust for my Father in heaven.... but as any child who doesn't get there wish... I'm just really bummed.... and still left feeling alone. All the signs were there... the high protein levels... the edema... upset tummy... but I never let that move me.... I was so confident that God was going to just heal him. I'm still confident... I guess I wasnt expecting it to not be today.
It certainly didnt help me feel any better that there is still this DUMB family issue going on. An invitation to the boys basketball game and Christmas programs was completely ignored AGAIN. So.. guess you could say... yesterday .. wasnt one of my better days. Forgive my venting... but I know thats what friends and family are for..... and I thank you for being here!
Yesterday while driving the boys to school.... as we saw the sun rise... we noticed how first of all beautiful it was... how the sky took on a yellow orange glow... the clouds seem to be so clearly defined with the sun outlining them.... but we also noticed our own shadow. As we drove .. the van cast a shadow on the field next to us. It was so neat to see how one minute the shadow was right next to us... the next... it had drifted off far into the recently harvested corn field. We would be huge.. right next to ourselves... and tiny... far away. We played with the shadow all the way to school. After dropping the boys off... the ride home.... I thought of nothing but our fun all the way to school. This morning as we took our drive ... even thought the sun was up... the clouds had it covered enough... that it wasnt casting a shadow of the van. But we did get to enjoy a Beautiful moon this morning. With the sun hidden... we were able to see it so clearly and almost close enough to touch. Well.. my ride home this morning... was filled with thoughts of yesterdays ride and this mornings ride. So much that God shows us and we ignore. So many lessons He tries to teach us .. .but we dont really listen. He tries to show us He is ALWAYS right there with us.......... no matter what... and we just wont turn around and look.
The shadows from the van............... the van is God! We are the shadow. The van stays firm... the shadow travels near and far. Do you see this? God never changes... we do. We walk close to Him one minute and then let satan and the world pull us away. If we walk long enough at a distance... its harder to find our way back. Its okay to trip and fall once in a while... but dont walk away from God.................... Stay Close!!! He and only He will lead you through a life of joy.... here and after.
The sight of the moon............ God is the sun.......... we're the moon. With the sun being hidden by the clouds.. all thats seen is the moon... clear and bold. Can you see where I'm going with this one? We hide God from ourselves or others and all that is seen is us. The sun comes out... and although the moon isn't as bold and clear... you can still see it..... you can now almost see right though it. The sun shines right through it while defining the outline of it. You dont lose sight of the moon.. you see it with the sun! We let God shine through us... imagine what others will see!!!! Imagine what we can do with God in us. The peace.. the joy... the love... the confident dreams of walking the golden streets of Heaven one day. Walk with God in this life on earth ... and you'll walk with Him forever in heaven. Let Him shine through you...onto others!
I do hope what I'm trying to write is making sense............ My head is full of things I want to share... while satan is trying to cloud my head with doubts... worry and frustration.
God is everywhere.. He is always with us... through our good days and out tough days.
Well............ my crochet projects arent going to crochet themselves.... so ... I'm off to create carefully placed knots in yarn that will resemble a stocking cap! :)
have a terrific today and a wonderful weekend.
hugs....love and blessings to you all!!!
**So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!
~ Psalm 31:24**
~ Psalm 31:24**